The worse films of 2010 that Iain had to endure....awww....

We're nearly at the end of 2010 so before I reveal my films of the year, why not shame the ones that gave me eye cancer. For more discussions, check out the latest episodes of Cinematic Dramatic at GeekPlanetOnline.

So, the worse films of 2010? Here goes: 

Legion

You know a film is truly terrible when you’re laughing at the sheer stupidity and ridiculousness of the actions on screen. Legion was such a film when Paul Bettany and Kevin Durand finally collided in the finale of this utterly appalling horror action in which spinning maces and machines guns were overkill. The idea of angels coming to kill humans was interesting, trying to make Paul Bettany a bad ass action hero kinda fun when you thought about it. But Legion’s end result was anything but watchable. And the early reviews for Priest next year have not been good. Oh god.

Bangkok Adrenaline

Words cannot express the sheer insulting emotions I endured watching this action film. The action scenes, however well set, did not save it from utter shite. That is all.

The Last Airbender

Quite frankly, the worse offender of the bunch of shamed films. How low can M Night Shawddy Shawddy get? This low. Airbender is poorly scripted with horrible exposition dialogue, repeating plot points that we don’t need to be told about every time the villain comes back, stilted acting, the race bending issue, the complete destruction of a beloved Nickelodeon cartoon. Take your pick for any of these reasons. But the real kicker of this whole shit pile? A 3D presentation that does fuck all making you wear 3D glasses just to see the film properly. A waste of time for everyone involved and only a miracle can save this director’s promising career.

Jonah Hex

A comic book movie that arrived damaged, broken, violated, and trodden on. All promises of a good movie go out the door with a daft runtime, vanishing characters, poor dialogue and wasted actors. Only Michael Fassbender escapes this mess as the best thing in it. And that's very worrying when you've got a cast featuring Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Will Arnett, Michael Shannon (he's in it...somewhere) and Megan Fox.....HEY! Waitaminute!

Skyline

Thank god the projector broke near the end of my screening for the film. This alien invasion film was tedious from start to its abrupt end. Impressively visually sometimes with the special effect. However, Skyline was let down by everything else. The TV actors tried but were clearly being directed by brothers who were interested in what they could put in the background rather than get decent performances. Or actually bash out a coherent story. That ending is fucking retarded still.

The Hidden Cinematic Gems of 2010....

Since we're approaching the end of 2010, it's time to remember and forget those cinematic nuggets that came to the cinema this year.

My best of list is coming shortly but for now enjoy the select morsels of hidden gem that you may have missed at the cinema. Prehaps you could pick them up on DVD or wait til their actual cinema release next year?

The Genre-Giant's Hidden Gems of 2010

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

The Christmas tale of tradition gets a bit dark and a little twisted in this Finnish macabre tale where Santa really wants to eat bad children instead of giving them presents. Entertaining and a refreshing change for Christmas films, complete with a gut busting finale. It’s worth checking out around this festive time.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

From an independent cinema employees eyes, The Millennium Trilogy was the biggest world cinema release of the year. The first film, Dragon Tattoo, is a perfectly paced and tense thriller that doesn’t shy away from the dark sides of human nature. However, its two sequels dampened the original’s glow and its TV roots horribly showed. I’m looking forward to seeing what Fincher and Craig do with the English version but I still recommend this one for any detective story lovers out there.

The Losers

We had many men on mission movies this year. A-Team, Expendables, Red. So many. The best one is the one that didn’t expect much attention from anyone. Based on the comic book, The Losers was breezy entertainment. A great cast that gave everyone a chance to shine from Jeffery Dean Morgan to Idris Elba to Chris Evans – even to Jason Patric. It didn’t have anything to prove and it reaps the benefits with this nice Saturday night actioner.

Carlos (Five Hour Version)

Last year I was quite fond of Vincent Cassel’s epic tale of crime with Mesrine that spanned two films. Carlos was in a similar vein, charting the mysterious political terrorist over his rise and fall in the late 70s and early 80s. Spanning five and a half hours, this dramatized biopic was propelled by a great performance by Edgar Ramirez (who incidentally attended the screening I went to and was kind enough to sign the back of my ticket) as Carlos embodying charisma, boldness and sleaze as the hypocritical terrorist.  There is a three hour version out there for those not too fussed by all the details but it’s a must watch for European crime cinema.

The Brothers Bloom

I saw it for the first time in 2008 at the London Film Festival and loved it. However well recieved though, it shockingly took two years for it to get an UK release but Rian Johnson’s second film is just as entertaining as his breakthrough Brick. Great performances and a great score makes this tale of conmen in Europe always entertaining to watch.

Everything Must Go (2011)

Not many people will stretch past the idea of Will Ferrell doing nothing but man child comedies. He dabbled a bit with straighter comedy in the surreal Stranger Than Fiction and he did again with Everything Must Go. A bittersweet comedy about one man’s collapse through alcoholism was helped by Ferrell’s presence. Injecting some of the depressing turn of events with a sympathetic edge and likeability as its protagonist, Everything Must Go was a refreshing change from Ferrell’s usual bout of shouting like a girl. It’s out in 2011 at cinemas, hopefully, and it’s recommended.

Black Dynamite

In an age where spoofs and satires mostly consisted of Vampires Suck. At least someone, out there, tried to take it back to the good days. Michael Jai White (you know, Spawn) came up with the idea of Black Dynamite, a 70s afro crime fighter that’s superbad and knows kung-fu. It’s loving send up off everything Jai White loves in blackploitation and it’s funny. Very funny. From intended hiccups in filming from changing a stunt man, to boom shots, to the utterly insane plot diversion to Kung-Fu Island. Black Dynamite is something fans of blackploitation and spoof fans will enjoy.

Merry Christmas...now go watch some films.

Happy Christmas all!

Just a quick blog post of good will and joy to all those celebrating this lovely winter day with presents, food, booze, and most importantly - family.

Present wise, I've already been treated to The Expendables, Born To Raise Hell (Seagal's latest craptacular DTV effort) and the complete Scott Pilgrim books.

But if you really want to live the true cinematic christmas, Genre-Giant style. You could watch any of the following today:

• Die Hard - Action's ultimate christmas movie.
• Scrooged - Great modern take on A Christmas Carol, complete with a great performance from Bill Murray delievering one hell of a monologue at the end of the film.
• Fantastic Mr Fox - Odd one I know, but you watch it Christmas morning with the family before opening presents, it cracks a smile on your face.

Just a few thoughts and suggestions, but anyway, enough me blabbering.

You readers have a great Christmas.

Cinematic Dramatic 2x19 - The Tourist : LISTEN NOW!

The latest episode of Cinematic Dramatic, from Geek Planet Online, is now available to listen to.

Click the Cinematic Dramatic logo to listen to the new episode

In this episode, me and Byron Pitt discuss current movie news trends like video on demand services for new films and the idea of quotas in British film.

Review wise, we talk about The Tourist and Somewhere.

Enjoy!

Tron Legacy - Quick! Someone give it an story file update!

Tron: Legacy (2010)
Director: Joseph Kosinski
Stars: Jeff Bridges, Garret Hedlund, Olivia Wilde, Michael Sheen

Disney have been pushing this one heavily over the last year promising something on equal par with Avatar and delivering a film many fans of the original would be very happy to see. I think they might want to reconsider that prediction.

Let's get this out of the way first, Tron: Legacy looks brilliant. It features the best 3D since Avatar and it certainly looks like they spent a lot of time creating this updated computer world with top notch special effects. Complied with an electronic epic score from Daft Punk, which I'd easily write here and now is one of the best soundtracks of 2010. So, at a casual glance, Tron: Legacy could get a comfortable good box office haul over Christmas for its first week at least. It's perfect for all men who like a good sci-fi tale, from the teenagers to the grown ups.

Yet, somehow, Tron: Legacy will not be able to hold a candle anywhere near the staying power of Avatar and the many audiences that came to see it over and over again. The reason? The great fault that plagued Avatar despite the film's success - story.

The first half of Tron: Legacy is very entertaining. Sam Flynn (Hedlund) gets zapped into the Tron universe after trying to find his missing father (Bridges) and ends up taking part in the deadly games this universe knows and loves. Crazy disc flinging games, light cycle showdowns, this is great.

Then he goes to the digital mountains to find his father...where not much happens and a lot of exposition gets dumped on everyone. If you know your technobabble, this might be a nice moment of computer fun. Everyone else could get bored out of their skulls.

And this is where Tron drops the ball big time despite shifting its story in the second half to stage a great escape from the computer world. Now if I look at Avatar by comparison, yes the story was a little hokey and all the jokes about Pocahontas in Space aside, actually had some fun moments in its bloated runtime. Plus there was an appeal for all audiences, a love story, science fiction, robots, aliens, monsters, battle scenes. All the boxes were ticked despite the flaws and I hate to admit that!

Tron doesn't tick all those boxes. It has a few moments after the promising first half but it never recovers. It's just too serious.

You can't fault the cast, they try the best they can. Jeff Bridges, now pretty much putting The Dude into any role nowadays, is always watchable. Hedlund makes good typical generic male lead, yet I think he might have benefited from a better director that deals with actors. Olivia Wilde makes fine eye candy and Michael Sheen pretty much goes into overboard in his brief fifthteen minutes of fun at a nightclub.

You know you're a badass when your playing a mock electric guitar as a fight breaks out around you. That or possibly easily distracted by noises.

I don't regret my time with Tron: Legacy. I'm happy with the visual aesthetic and Daft Punk's amazing score. The problem is that there's just no joy to be found anywhere else. And considering the lengths they went to make this film for the fans, for the geek community that thrived with films like Avatar, it really doesn't work. There's something way too serious about this nostalgia and not a lot of audiences are going to like it. Especially from a big blockbuster. That's why it won't get a continuing audience after opening weekend. How can you appeal a film like this to every audience?

Saying the words Tron and 3D just doesn't cut it.

When all of 2010's Xmas releases look dull, dire, and unexciting, you'd hope Disney would have downloaded a fun patch to keep this film head and shoulders above the others.

The download failed.

Iain doesn’t care that Stone Cold Steve Austin is The Stranger.

The Stranger (2010)

Director: Robert Liberman

Stars: Steve Austin, Erica Cerra, Adam Beach

About a week ago, I posted a blog review of Hunt To Kill, a cheesy actioner if not mildly entertaining at times. These were good signs for Steve Austin films. So, cue another bored night, Cinematic Dramatic had been recorded and I thought “You know what, I’m in the mood for something silly, let’s go with The Stranger.”

The film tells the story of an amnesiac FBI agent (Austin) who’s on the run, doing the occasional job, trying to remember what happened to him. Other FBI agents are trying to find him so they can crack the case of Russian and Mexican drug lords and a spat of missing money.  FBI Agent Stone Cold Steve Austin is your only hope for answers.

And I can’t give two f**ks.

Now, if The Stranger was nicely paced, had silly moments of entertainment then it would be another experience similar to Hunt To Kill. The problem with The Stranger is that it’s dull. Dull, dull, dull. The story goes at a painfully slow pace. Sure, there are moments where Austin opens up cans of whoop ass and goes to town but between all that is the usual cliché riddled tedium of FBI agents, money, and betrayals.  Betcha someone wrote the script in a day.

It’s not hard to guess what happened and it’s not hard to guess who the bad guy is.

There is absolutely nothing engaging or entertaining about anything The Stranger offers. Hard To Kill was more entertaining simply because of its simplicity and actual bad guys that weren’t bad to watch. Annoying, possibly. It might have had Gary Daniels, yeah. But Hard To Kill was a lot more fun to watch than an amnesiac Stone Cold Steve Austin traipsing about going “I don’t remember.” There’s a moment where Steve Austin is told by people monitoring him that he goes place to place, different names, different jobs. That would have been more interesting to see. Not random people talking about moles in the FBI.

Then there’s a god damn sequel set up that’s f**king retarded and aggravating after things have been revealed.

If you really love the guy, rent it. Anyone else not fussed, avoid and possible go out and rent Hunt To Kill or maybe Damage. They’re much better films. Trust me.

This is more entertaining….click the picture to see the funny short the image comes from on Funny Or Die.

If I was a tourist, I’d go on holiday Angelina Jolie any day.

The Tourist (2010)

Director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck

Stars: Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Paul Bettany, Steven Berkoff

Ah, mistaken identities, gangsters, spies, Timothy Dalton. It’s an appealing prospect that lies ahead of us in The Tourist. Johnny Depp’s simple maths teachers in trouble all because Angelina Jolie sat next to him. On paper, you’d think that The Tourist would have grounds for being a perfect dynamite hit. Though when you start seeing the way they’re pushing the film into cinemas, it seems more a vacant affair.

Thanks to Optimum Releasing’s slow crawl publicity push that I’d usually expect to see with independent titles, I had grown the expectation that this was something its distributor were so confident on it. That or they thought putting the words Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie above any title, like Soup Kitchen Melee, would just get bums on seats.

Well, at least I’m not bitter about my two hours just spent.

I’m not going to defend The Tourist against its naysayers at the moment. They have valid points. It really isn’t anything special. It is a typical by-the-numbers genre picture of mistaken identity that does little to challenge an audience. That’s it, there’s nothing else. The plot twists you, it turns you, but it’s not pulling the rug out from under you. When a big secret is dropped at the end of the film, its fine just go “Really? Oh well, never mind. I’ll go with it for now. Film's finished in ten minutes.” The Tourist simply qualifies as 100% pure escapist entertainment on a Friday / Saturday night at the cinema. You won’t mind it; it just won’t stick with you despite the simple thrills it offers.

Depp and Jolie are fine together, it’s nothing special. Jolie brings her usual sultry self with English accent. Depp goes along with it, his face always seemingly riddled with bewilderment and befuddlement. You occasionally chuckle at Depp’s predicament. You will (most likely males really), just stare at Jolie for her sheer beauty. They’re not pushed to deliver demanding performances and it shows.

Paul Bettany takes a break from battling “ANG-ELS” to be a sleezy, arsey, Policeman. You’ll watch him throw a strop for most of the film. Makes a change I suppose. Steven Berkoff makes a rare cinematic appearance as the main baddie as has a better presence than most of the cast. Rufus Sewell sneaks about, that mysterious man. And to make everything right in this world, Timothy Dalton is the head of Scotland Yard / Interpol. Somebody make this man the new M! Or the manager at your local Co-Op. Everyone’s here on holiday…acting.

Perhaps Donnersmarck wanted to just take things easy after winning an Oscar for The Lives of Others? Like Steven Soderbergh did with Ocean’s Eleven. Maybe that’s why The Tourist tries to be a mixture of whimsical knockabout spy and gangster thriller runarounds in Venice. It just doesn’t know what to be and that’s the make it, break it for many people going in with high expectations. 

Considering its low key advertising and promotion, I think everyone involved clearly was thinking this was a playful working vacation too. For those seeking high quality from all those involved, it’s not going to come in this relaxed state.

Though Venice looks nice….

Stone Cold Steve Austin is a born hunter. That’s why he made Hunt to Kill.

Hunt To Kill (2010)

Director: Kenoi Waxman

Stars: Steve Austin, Gil Bellows, Gary Daniels, Eric Roberts

I’m surprised Stone Cold Steve Austin hasn’t been doing more film work since now. I remember when he was part of WWF Raw (you know before it became WWE) and occasionally cropped up in a handful of shows. Celebrity Deathmatch, Dilbert, Nash Bridges, Austin cropped up and even though it likely didn’t have the best of lines, he always gave that indomitable impression. Even when he cropped up in later films like The Longest Yard as an evil prison guard or as angry fist pounding henchman in The Expendables, I wonder why he hasn’t done more. It seems like a perfect combination for the generic action films to get some Stone Cold Stunners.

Things have changed this year, he’s done at least three films. One, obviously being The Expendables. Two of them direct to dvd affairs. The Stranger and Hunt To Kill. I do own both of them but I’ve just recently watched Hunt To Kill.

Why Hunt To Kill first? Well, it has Gary F**KING Daniels in it! Anything Gary Daniels, I’ll be there to watch it. Even if he has a short moment before being bumped off in a silly manner. Though truthfully those moments will never top his Expendables exit. But, regardless, that promise of Daniels and Austin smackdown was enough for me to watch this

Story wise, think Cliffhanger clone, just set in the woods of Montana. Ranger Stone Cold Steve Austin* and his daughter get caught up in a tiff between a group of thieves (Bellows, Daniels to name some of them) and their ex boss (Michael Hogan) who is trying to sneak into Canda through the woods with all the money they stole in Vegas. Typical criminal tiff and dragging the good guys into their sordid affair. What follows is 90 minutes of walking around the woods hunting for the money while Austin tries to find a way to escape with his daughter. It will ultimately end in a lot of killing and Stone Cold stunners!

I may have made the Stone Cold Stunners part up. Oh well, one can dream.

It’s nothing remarkable. However, I wasn’t expecting anything else but something to be midly amused with. Hunt To Kill is decently made, occasionally looking slightly more than a TV movie at times thanks to that high definition feel on the blu-ray. Austin still has a presence on the screen and can handle the action scenes well. As if I needed to think that through following the epic Stallone smackdown in The Expendables.  Hunt To Kill succeeds at giving cheap thrills.

The obvious set piece that stands out is the finale twenty minutes where Austin becomes villain hunter as he stalks about the woods, cammo painted and armed with improvised cross bow taking on everyone who stands in his way. He even spears a poor unsuspecting villian by throwing a log spike down a cliff. And yes, he does fight Gary Daniels. Daniels kicks Austin a lot with his martial arts skills, Austin smacks Daniels a lot old school WWF style. I’m a happy bunny. Like I said, cheap thrills on display here.

The only annoyance I had was simply the wait until Austin actually got on beating the villains. There’s plot to be made, sure. But at least try to make our troubled situation interesting. Why spend 75 minutes showing that the group of villains hate one another and like shouting a lot. Plus roles played by people like Eric Roberts and Michael Hogan are pretty much glorified cameos.

But are we expecting high class art from a Steve Austin straight to dvd film? No. We’re looking for an easy distraction on a boring night in. Hunt To Kill ticks the boxes and I hope Austin can progress from here.

* - Ranger Stone Cold Steve Austin is not Steve Austin's name in the film. But let's be honest, it's a kick-ass name in comparsion to Jim Rhodes.

Heat: modern cinema’s greatest tale of cops and robbers.

Heat (1995)

Director: Michael Mann

Stars: Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Tom Sizemore

It generally amazes me why I haven’t watched this yet. I like Michael Mann films, this should have been a much watch when I got the blu-ray ages ago. But work tends to get in the way of such fine things. That’s why weeks off work are great, you have the time simply settle down and watch engrossing films like this.

Heat is simply an epic tale of cops and robbers and everything around their fragile fractured lives. Pacino is too buried with his cop work to have a normal life; De  Niro is too professional with his armed robberies to remotely consider one. Both technically the same type of person caught at the opposite ends of the law. And eventually their paths are destined to cross. Mann style, of course.

I’m not in a position to write a grand written statement of adoration for this film but what I will say is that it’s a grand virtuoso of crime in 90s cinema. The way the story engrosses many of the supporting characters is great, the perfect executed moments of chaos in the armed robberies, complied with Mann’s unique visual style. The muted dark colours, the raw and realistic feel to proceedings. A great ensemble cast of reliable actors. It’s Mann at his finest.

Of course the big talking point I can’t really ignore is that scene in the diner. One of two scenes Pacino and De Niro are actually on screen together and it’s simply amazing to watch. Just a simple conversation between two guys on the opposite ends of the law over coffee, getting to know one another a little bit and sharing. You’d expect them just to shout at one another but this calm, thoughtful discussion. It left me speechless.

Suffice to say, I really love Heat. Why didn’t I watch this film sooner?

Being part of a family of cops could be bad. Why? Pride and Glory tells you.

Pride and Glory (2008)

Director: Gavin O'Connor

Stars: Edward Norton, Colin Farrell, Jon Voight

I remember watching Pride and Glory  at the cinema when it came out a few years ago. The film came hot on the heels of We Own The Night months after its release. A similar veined story about family life when practically everyone was a cop, this one had Marky Mark Walhberg and Joaquin Phoenix (before he went dooladdy). In comparison, We Own The Night was set in the 80s and Pride and Glory is a more modern take on the story. Personally, both are equally good films to watch if you’re a fan of gritty cop dramas especially after watching stuff like The Wire.

Basic plotline with Pride and Glory sees the relationships between a detective (Norton), his commanding officer brother (played by Noah Emmerich), their fellow officer brother in law (Farrell) and their father (Voight), who oddly enough is a higher up in the police authority too. This family of cops fragile relationship is pulled to near breaking point after a vicious multiple murder of cops during a drugs busts. Norton’s investigation soon turns up some nasty sour home truths inside Police HQ.

Pride and Glory is well executed. It won’t go down as the greatest moment in cop dramas but it has its moments. Moments of troubled family life and bonding are captured perfectly well against the usual clichéd backdrop of cop corruption. Pride and Glory succeeds in making being part of the police a sordid and almost depressing affair. Likely to attain a healthy balance of doing the right thing and having to live the consequences. Having a good talented cast with figures like Norton and Voight give proceedings its extra polish.

I forgot how unhinged Farrell’s character is in Pride and Glory. You want to know what I’m talking about, there’s one scene in the film that is a standout. A cop, a suspect, the suspect’s wife, the suspect’s baby, and an iron. It’s a chilling scene that adds to the bleakness of proceedings.

It ticks the boxes like any cop drama but it shouldn’t be ignored because of it. If you like your cop dramas, Pride and Glory is worth a look at the very least.

The Interceptor - Cold as Ice

The Interceptor (2009) 

Director: Konstantin Maximov

Stars: Igor Petrenko, Aleksandr Baluev, Andrey Chubchenko and Aleksey Dmitriev

The Interceptor was a film I’ve been meaning to see for a while. I picked it up cheaply on blu-ray for a small price, nothing I would complain about after watching the film. I had seen the trailer and, like Night Watch and Day Watch, looked like a great visual spin on science fiction.

I had watched a Russian sci-fi prior to this, Paragraph 78. A group of commandos get locked inside a quarantined research bunker and get infected with a deadly virus. Their decision, fight to the death – last one blows it all up. Fun times indeed, it saddens me that it’s still yet to get a release anywhere outside Russia (or Brazil).

But I’m digressing. The Interceptor from first glance seems to keep up the good work modern Russian cinema has had lately. If anything, The Interceptor is definitely visual with some great stunt work.

Apart from that, it just feels cold to its audience.

The basic plot sees mystical powerful people from a future time over watching Russia in 2013. These people identify that a great evil is coming to take over and decide to select a Russian special agent called Matvey (Petrenko) to be their weapon of justice against the growing evil. The evil creature, who looks like a villain from Resident Evil, takes its own host in this special’s agent former partner, Kurylo (Baluev), now arms dealer. Thus begins to journey towards their inevitable fight to the death.

Just first, throw in random subplots involving violent political vigilantes, a forgotten romance and a deadly psychosis weapon that can kill. Yep, silly games indeed. Oh a mysterious man who will teach Matvey the secret powers he's been keeping dormant.

As I said earlier, The Interceptor is filmed beautifully. There are some stonking barmy action sequences involving a car driving under a flipping jeep, as well as a great little punch up in a warehouse. There has clearly been a budget and its been used well. More entertaining that a fast cut MTV style actioner anyday.

The problem with The Interceptor is just it feels cold to anyone watching it. You don’t really get a sense of danger or a remote sense of connection with your ice cold hero, Matvey. He just plods from point a to b, effortlessly kicking ass, learning more powers. That’s it. He’s not really that charming. Plus it might require extra viewings to even remotely get an understand what the hell is going on with these mystical sci-fi lords that just pop in and out as we go on.

I could sum it up nicely as Highlander meets Bourne to a degree. If you like the current crop of Russian action and science fiction, The Interceptor is at least one watch. Just don’t expect it to be grateful for your time.

Bangkok Adrenaline – 99.9% Action Adrenaline. 0.01% Story.

Bangkok Adrenaline (2009)

Directed by: Raimund Huber

Stars: Daniel O’Neill, Jacob Miles, Conan Stevens, Raimund Huber

A blazing DVD cover, people flying in with kicks, the tagline of FEEL THE RUSH. For £5 at your local supermarket, Bangkok Adrenaline instantly falls into my “oh, this will be worth at least a watch” pile of straight to DVD actioners.

Incidentally, I watched this with friends, beer and curry. Perfect combination. If it’s not great, at least we’ll have a fun time with the film in some regards.

Fast forward 84 minutes later….here goes:

I will be upfront and honest about Bangkok Adrenaline first. When it comes to action sequences, this delivers in spades. Considering its likely low budget, the film has a cinematic glint to it and the action sequences fronted by Daniel O’Neil (A veteran of Jack Chan’s stunt team) are impressively choreographed well and would go perfectly in any big budgeted action feast.

The rest is a borderline mix of insulting and just poor, poor, poor, poor, acting and story.

My friend James summed this up perfectly during the viewing. It seems some one filmed a really good action sequence and decided to add things around it. He’s damn right here. This construction of a plot line revolves around four guys who go to Bangkok for a bloke’s holiday.

Within three minutes they owe gangsters lots and lots of money. They have a week to get the cash of get hurt. So they decide to do a bit of grafting. Nothing works. Then the four decide to kidnap some wealthy guy’s daughter to raise the cash. You know, simple botched kidnap movie of the week it seems.

I think that’s the story line, give or take. I can’t vaguely remember it simply because we were all too busy laughing at the film’s plot holes or just shaking our heads in disbelief at some of the shockingly bad production values everywhere else around the film’s action sequences. You know something’s wrong when half the subtitles are in just a green outline.

The story just ends up being a complete mess. If four guys are only in Thailand for a week or so, how the hell do they own a rundown house? How on earth in a week’s time do characters suddenly know all the best buddies in the world to come and help them? How on earth do they know how to use sleeping gas? Why can this girl only speak Thai and then speak clear English in a clear American accent? Someone explain to me how far that guy can run away without wondering where the hell is he? Who is that character and why have they just arrived? How can the love interest walk around a wine factory in just a towel? Who? What? Where? How? ARGGGH!

Sure, I’ve got no excuses for watching films like this with my experiences with Seagals, Van Dammes, Lundgrens. But, in their defence, they had plot lines and they were easily explained and a damn valid attempt at making a complete movie. There are so many moments, so many moments of character action and interaction that just doesn’t work here and it’s so infuriating. Even to my standards, it’s painful to watch. I don’t always look for plot holes but Bangkok Adrenaline just keeps digging holes that are just not needed.

There have been films that promote upcoming talent. Ong-Bak is one, Tony Jaa goes to find his missing statue. Perfectly fine, the acting isn’t remarkable but at least they try and it’s not embarrassing. Bangkok Adrenaline has talent that mumble through dialogue, have problems pronouncing words, or if they’re really lucky have the microphone pointed the other way.

It is that bad! Seriously.

The best thing I can say about Bangkok Adrenaline is it makes a nice show off of cool action sequences. They are really good. Better than most straight to DVD actioners. I shouldn't expect much and I wasn't expecting much. Apart from the pleasing action which I didn't expect to see at first, the whole thing is let down by some of the most god awful acting and storytelling I’ve seen in years.

And I expect that to come most of the time from a Seagal film at the very least.

It’s hip to be IP MAN! (Sorry…I know it’s a bad pun)

Ip Man (2008)

Director: Yip Wai-Shun

Stars: Donnie Yen, Simon Yam, Xiong Dai Lin, Hirouki Ikeuchi

So, first on my seven selected titles for my work holiday viewing is Ip Man. Another title in my growing collection of Donnie Yen, who in my humble opinion, is the best marital artist in cinema today. Bold statement, yes. But when you watch films like this, Dragon Tiger Gate, SPL (Kill Zone) or Flash Point, you’ll understand why.

Ip Man is a bit of departure for Yen. Playing out as a biopic based on Wing Chun master, Ip Man, it showcases Yen’s amazing fighting skills and his modestly humble acting skills in front of the camera.

The story revolves around Japan’s invasion of China during the Sino-Japanese War. Before the invasion, Ip Man (Yen) spends his early years practicing his Wing Chun skills. Admired by all in his town of Foshan, Ip Man gracefully declines repeatedly to teach his adoring friends and followers Wing Chun being the peaceful marital artist that he is. However when Japan invades, the invaders encourage Foshan fighters to fight for their amusement with the faint promise of getting food during the poverty stricken situation following the Japanese occupancy. With this act of brutality, Ip Man starts to reassess his previous decisions not to teach his craft as his friends and love ones start to suffer. In the vein of depression and military rule by Japan, Ip Man would go on to defy the Japanese invaders to his town in Foshan and inspire his fellow country men to rebel.

Like I said, this is technically a biopic that infuses wartime drama with intense close-quarter fight sequences (directed by Sammo Hung) and for fans of Donnie Yen, it is absolutely a must watch film. In comparison to his slicker, fast paced previous films, Ip Man is a subdued yet engaging human drama of overcoming oppression and this makes a wonderful change and its demonstrates the charismatic Hong Kong action icon’s range.

And with most recent Donnie Yen films, the fight work when it comes is superb. The main highlight to me is not one of the grand duels that we see early on in the film between Ip Man and aggressive out-of-towners but the eruption of Ip Man’s fury against the Japanese in a one vs ten man fight. The fluidity, brutality and perfect execution of this sequence is just superb.

Hong Kong is still producing great action cinema, most of the time, better than the western output spare a few singular moments (hands up Undisputed 2 & 3!). If you haven’t watched a Donnie Yen film, Ip Man is a perfect place to start.

Holiday!

I'm in a good mood considering the looming threats of snow, ice and the decimenation of all Christmas cheer this early in December.

I'm on holiday from work. For seven days.

YAY!

Anywhoo, this a movie blog and there is movie things to be done over these next seven happy days. I have scanned over my DVD & Blu-Ray collection and decided that I shall watch seven films over this next week. A fellow film viewer scoffed at this idea simply because he believed I wouldn't do it and thought I would be easily distracted by shiny objects, Steven Seagal, and likely too much Need For Speeding: Hot Pursuiting.

I will prove this man wrong!

So, the seven films I have selected are:

• Ip Man (Hong Kong 2008)
• The Brothers Bloom (US 2008)
• The Interceptor (Russia 2009)
• Heat (US 1995)
• Man Of Violence (UK 1968)
• Pride and Glory (US 2008)
• Mesrine (France 2008)

Out of these seven films I can tell you the following that there are four films listed here that I have never seen before. So it's a nice mix up of films I've haven't seen in a while and films that I've been interested in watching for some time now.

So, pay attention to the blog. I'll be talking about the first film on the list later today. IP MAN!
 

MACHETE KILLS AGAIN!

Machete

Director: Robert Rodriguez & Ethan Maniquis

Stars: Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez

So, we all saw the trailer with Grindhouse and now a good couple of years later, Machete’s trailer becomes a full fledged movie.

Originally when I heard about this, I thought it would be a novelty piece that spun off from Grindhouse that wouldn't have much merit to it. Then they started forming a reasonably good cast, Trejo gets the lead he was born to play, everyone from the fake trailer in main roles appear like Jeff Fahey and Cheech Marin. Then Jessica Alba. Then Robert DeNiro.

Then Steven Seagal.

From this announcement, I was practically in a cinema seat waiting for the thing to be released.

I think your enjoyment factor for Machete comes with the level of fondness you had with the fake trailer. If you thought it rocked and wanted to see a movie with the same level of batty Grindhouse madness, you’re right at home. This is technically a brand new Grindhouse movie made just for you pleased souls with Planet Terror and Death Proof.

If you just thought it was funny once and thought the joke wore off after several viewings, you might not want to sit through 100 minutes. I’d admit, it’s not for everyone.

But I watched it and I’m bloody glad I did.

Machete is unapologetically violent. People get shot, sliced, intestines removed, and even assaulted by a weed cutter. Machete is sexy. Michelle Rodriguez in leather pants, black bra, eye patch, big f**k off gun. She’s the toughest female character of my dreams. Machete is also very, very, very, very, very, very (deep breathe), very silly. A man gets crushed under a low riding jeep during a finale where everything starts exploding, everyone shoots weapons off and anything just about happens. It kind of reminds me of a bloodier version of the ending to Blazing Saddles.

The plot itself is silly as well. It follows the same story as the fake trailer. Machete is hired by mysterious man (Jeff Fahey) to kill a Senator (Robert DeNiro) running for re-election and using a harsh throw illegal immigrants back where they belong policy. The hit is a con, Machete is framed and everyone is out to get him. The law is chasing him; the bad guys are hunting him being. Oh and Jessica Alba.

The whole mad trip is complimented by the supporting cast of actors playing against type. Don Johnson is an evil true American patriot that loves gunning down Mexicans. Steven Seagal plays a nasty villain, a real nasty villain for once*. Even Lindsay Lohan skims awfully close to mimicking her recent real life cock-ups as the drug addict daughter of Jeff Fahey’s mysterious business man. And if you watched the trailer, you know what’s going to happen to her.

*: To any Seagolists out there courtesy of Vern’s great book, I will not include Clementine as a villain role since he’s just a fellow fighter against the South Korean protagonist.

I should really mention Danny Trejo here. A supporting character for over nearly 100 movies and this is his first real leading role and unsurprisingly, it’s a role that fits well. Machete is a character of few words; his dialogue sparse in between everyone else’s chatting, shouting, and swearing. It’s the quiet anti-hero vibe and it suits Trejo and Machete well here. It would be nice to see more Machete antics in the future as promised by the end of the film.

So, that should just about give you a good idea whether or not Machete will be your cup of tea. Like I said, this isn't a film for everyone and with everything involved and it doesn't have much merit to it. The only merit it has it pure guilty pleasure to all those willing. If you expect masterpiece theatre, you will likely end up offended by something in this film. Maybe The American is a suitable choice this week? It has a story, it has character developing, it feels like a proper cinematic movie.

This one has Steven Seagal waddling through every scene with a naked woman on his arm and a sword in the other.

I couldn’t be happier to be honest.

Extra Genre Giant Trivia for all the anime fans who read the blog: US Anime voice actor Jason Douglas, who has done lots of great shows like Excel Saga, Rune Soldier, Bubblegum Crisis 2040 to name a few, appears as an ill-fated patrolman who finds Machete.

Welcome to LAN-DON Boulevard! Sorry, London Boulevard.

London Boulevard (2010)

Director: William Monahan

Stars: Colin Farrell, Keira Knightley, Ray Winstone

Last night, I managed to take in a viewing of London Boulevard, a crime film set in the heart of London. That sounds original, doesn’t it? Especially when it’s the same old same old criminal, played by Colin Farrell, freed from jail and wanting to be straight guy by helping reclusive film star Keira Knightley and ends up getting his hands dirty again thanks to evil bad guys like Ray Winstone.

Nope. Not original in the bloody slightest.

But, thankfully under the directorial and written guidance of William Monahan, Oscar winning screenwriter for Infernal Affairs remake The Departed, things are wonderfully engaging, interesting, and actually entertaining.

There are other reviews out there that are not so supportive but I’m happy with what I saw. Boulevard is rough around the edges as a film but it shows Monahan’s talent as his screenplay’s dialogue never feels stilted and ridiculous. Sometimes cliché and full of cockney rhyming, but not stupid. There are moments of good directorial work as his infuses cinematic 70s style and cool, complied with a great soundtrack that I really dug.

In terms of the story, based on the book by Ken Bruen, it really is summed up by the one line muttered by Colin Farrell (at a funeral) and, with crime films, this eventual end is always the case. London Boulevard tropes, punches, swears, and corrupts over every cliché and plot device in the book. Complete with that traditional British shouting, fits of rage and violence, it’s a complete package that if it wasn’t for the cast I would have just waited for the DVD to come out.

I’ve mocked the accent on Cinematic Dramatic but Farrell’s south London ex-criminal is a decent lead. Farrell having that presence that I haven’t seen since his earlier films like Daredevil (he was the best thing in it) for example. It’s nice to see him in a good physical role like this.

Keira Knightley, the flat block of wood people have heard me call her in the past, is just as good. I actually preferred her here to Never Let Me Go because I felt there was something more to her character. She’s been damaged by the limelight she existed in and the reclusive nature is well handled in her scenes with Farrell.

Winstone does his usual “I’M THE DADDY!” stick and as an imposing bad guy, it works. The one scene that sticks out after watching LB is one where Farrell and Winstone come to verbal blows seemingly bickering at one point and then just exploding in an instant all in one take. Personally, it was a fantastic moment.

London Boulevard might not do well at the cinema since it’s coming out during Potter’s dominance. Shame really. I suspect that when it comes to DVD & Blu-ray, its audience will find it easily. Reflecting on it afterwards, it’s scattershot ending doesn’t help things here as it all goes to s**t in the last twenty minutes. But when you think about that line in the funeral scene…it just about makes sense.

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 1 Review

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 (12A)

Director: David Yates

Cast: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Ralph Fiennes

So, by this time next year, Harry Potter is done and dusted with his cinematic adventures.  About bloody time too.  

Did that sound harsh?

Sorry, that’s the cinema employee inside me speaking. Every time a new Harry Potter film comes out, audiences gasp in the wonders on screen. Yet outside that darken room and in the real world, cinema staff around the world braces itself for the worst three day opening possible. Sell out screens, loud kids, and a never ending sea of chaos thanks to this magical little wizard.

But, despite the chaos filled opening weekends these films brings, it’s a series that I’ve come to accept and enjoy.

Like my fellow cinematic writer, Byron Pitt, I have not read any of the Potter books. I had no desire then and I still have no desire to read it now.  I didn’t actually start watching the films until Goblet of Fire came about. When I was a young cinema employee, several years ago at University, I honestly hadn’t the slightest clue about Hogwarts, Dumbledore, Voldemort, all that Potter related terminology.  When the first films came out I was distracted by other things like Lord of The Rings, Bond movies, my gradually increasing stack of DVDs.

So ultimately, I did what any cinematic person outside the know would do. Went out and brought the first three Potter dvds cheaply and watched them in the run up to Goblet.

The first two had a sickly near diabetic coma inducing sweet glean to it. Everything with Philosopher Stone and Chamber of Secrets seemed all about the special effects. The child acting from the three young stars always out dwarfed by the older established British cast and I was quite glad I skipped them at the cinema.

Perhaps I should start watching the first few films again because when Prisoner of Azkaban rolled in, I started to enjoy them for the carefree entertaining pleasure they were supposed to be.  This might have been due to the beginnings of the dark storyline and fates that laid ahead for the main characters. Something evil, something lurking behind the corner that threatens everything. Plus with an array of characters, some that don’t survive chapters of the story too, there is something grand about the Potter universe that cinema has captured well. At least every film didn’t end with a massive party.

Hence Goblet of Fire, Order of the Phoenix, and Half-Blood Prince were enjoyable viewings. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch the Potters every time but I have grown a decent respect for the films. They seem to mature and appeal more to me with each film. With the growing acting ability of the once young kiddie cast melded with the establish crop of British talent, it’s something at least I look forward to when a new film rolls in.

And wouldn’t you know it, we’re about to hit the home straight with the first part since the seventh book was decidedly split into two films. A blessing and a curse as I don’t really want to regard this as a proper film since it’s half the story.

Let me remain positive though, Deathly Hallows Part 1 benefits from some of the things I’ve mentioned above. The impending final battle between Potter and Voldemort is looming and all hell is breaking loose outside Hogwarts. That sense of dread and threat benefits the already entwined feeling of mortality with the characters. You have that gut feeling that not everyone is going to make it to the final scene…or part mind you.

Having the film take place outside of Hogwarts helps too, it escapes the formulaic assumption that about twenty minutes in, we’ll be back at Hogwarts for another school year. By going out on this epic quest, it adds a bit of freshness to the mix, plus that sense of vulnerability and threat even more.

Plus several set pieces keep the entertainment flowing nicely between dialogue heavy moments which Potter fans will gleefully saunter at. Not sure about grown adults who likely have just been dragged along to it. The set pieces are well paced, executed and exciting. Especially the Ministry of Magic break in, got a mix of 1984, Brazil with a little bit of Mission Impossible in there for good measure.

Apart from the set pieces, that grown up feeling the films have lately produced continues to come along nicely with the final films. The acting has improved again. Acting continuously along the best of British like Rickman, Oldman, and Gambon has helped Radcliffe, Grint and Watson.  The chemistry seems so natural now between them as their isolation from the rest of the wizarding world is the focus here. Truthfully, there’s nothing really standout about the acting with Potter, I see it as this big ensemble piece and with certain parts you get certain good moments. Here, we see a little bit more of Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort, who was just sneaking in left and right occasionally since Goblet. It’s a downside that new cast additions, Bill Nighy and Rhys Ifans just seem to come and go with proceeds like glorified cameos.

And since this is not a complete Potter tale with Part 2 coming in July 2011, there was this sense of pause at the end of the film. Yes, the film was good and I enjoyed watching it but I can’t really give a full judgement until Part 2 comes out. As a standalone film, it simply starts putting in the pieces for the final act. I feel if it got partnered with a viewing with its second part as well, then it could be an almighty finale we haven’t seen in movies for a long time.

Don’t get me wrong, Deathly Hallows Part 1 is good fantasy cinema that I enjoyed. I enjoyed it even more as I’ve marvelled at since we’re now miles apart from Potter’s child beginnings.  

I just feel indifferent as a neutral non-Potter fan viewer until that final part.

Eight months is a long time to wait, you know.