If I was a tourist, I’d go on holiday Angelina Jolie any day.

The Tourist (2010)

Director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck

Stars: Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Paul Bettany, Steven Berkoff

Ah, mistaken identities, gangsters, spies, Timothy Dalton. It’s an appealing prospect that lies ahead of us in The Tourist. Johnny Depp’s simple maths teachers in trouble all because Angelina Jolie sat next to him. On paper, you’d think that The Tourist would have grounds for being a perfect dynamite hit. Though when you start seeing the way they’re pushing the film into cinemas, it seems more a vacant affair.

Thanks to Optimum Releasing’s slow crawl publicity push that I’d usually expect to see with independent titles, I had grown the expectation that this was something its distributor were so confident on it. That or they thought putting the words Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie above any title, like Soup Kitchen Melee, would just get bums on seats.

Well, at least I’m not bitter about my two hours just spent.

I’m not going to defend The Tourist against its naysayers at the moment. They have valid points. It really isn’t anything special. It is a typical by-the-numbers genre picture of mistaken identity that does little to challenge an audience. That’s it, there’s nothing else. The plot twists you, it turns you, but it’s not pulling the rug out from under you. When a big secret is dropped at the end of the film, its fine just go “Really? Oh well, never mind. I’ll go with it for now. Film's finished in ten minutes.” The Tourist simply qualifies as 100% pure escapist entertainment on a Friday / Saturday night at the cinema. You won’t mind it; it just won’t stick with you despite the simple thrills it offers.

Depp and Jolie are fine together, it’s nothing special. Jolie brings her usual sultry self with English accent. Depp goes along with it, his face always seemingly riddled with bewilderment and befuddlement. You occasionally chuckle at Depp’s predicament. You will (most likely males really), just stare at Jolie for her sheer beauty. They’re not pushed to deliver demanding performances and it shows.

Paul Bettany takes a break from battling “ANG-ELS” to be a sleezy, arsey, Policeman. You’ll watch him throw a strop for most of the film. Makes a change I suppose. Steven Berkoff makes a rare cinematic appearance as the main baddie as has a better presence than most of the cast. Rufus Sewell sneaks about, that mysterious man. And to make everything right in this world, Timothy Dalton is the head of Scotland Yard / Interpol. Somebody make this man the new M! Or the manager at your local Co-Op. Everyone’s here on holiday…acting.

Perhaps Donnersmarck wanted to just take things easy after winning an Oscar for The Lives of Others? Like Steven Soderbergh did with Ocean’s Eleven. Maybe that’s why The Tourist tries to be a mixture of whimsical knockabout spy and gangster thriller runarounds in Venice. It just doesn’t know what to be and that’s the make it, break it for many people going in with high expectations. 

Considering its low key advertising and promotion, I think everyone involved clearly was thinking this was a playful working vacation too. For those seeking high quality from all those involved, it’s not going to come in this relaxed state.

Though Venice looks nice….