Can you smell The Rock going Faster?

Faster (2010)

Director: George Tillman Jr.

Stars: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Billy Bob Thornton, Oliver Jackson-Cohen

It was only a matter of time before Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson decided to return to the action fold. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s creditable for someone who started out as a wrestler looking to stretch his acting skills a little. Southland Tales, Be Cool to name a few plus those silly kid films, Dwayne’s been using that great charisma and presence in different ways.

But everyone just wants to see him kick ass. He’s back for Wrestlemania in April so it’s about damn time he returned to layeth the smacketh down. And with April nearly here, you’ve got two barrel loads of his action skills. First up is Faster.

Though to call Faster an action film is an outright lie. It’s more of a revenge thriller with a perpetual sense of continuous movement.

From the first moment you see Johnson’s Driver pacing about angrily in his jail cell, you get that theme of always going forward in the revenge tale. Within moments, he gets out of jail and just starts jogging down desert roads to find a car and a swish looking snub revolver. Then Driver goes to layeth the smacketh down on those who’ve wronged him and killed his brother in the process years ago.

While Driver goes off on this vengeful rampage, there’s a Cop (Billy Bob Thornton) trying to follow the murderous crime spree and also a Killer (Jackson-Cohen) a multi-millionaire who has decided to excel himself at bumping people off. They start tracking Driver’s movements and eventually like all good revenge films, their paths will cross.

Now while I don’t mind an array of colourful and OTT characters in this sort of B-movie fluff, the fact that these are three very different characters makes it a bit of an oddity. You have Johnson who is supposed to be the real driving force of the movie, the wronged man committing acts of horrific violence against those who wrong him and seemingly satisfied he’s walking the dark path. Thorton is a ex-junkie cop who’s days near to retirement and trying to provide for his family. And Jackson-Cohen seems to be emitting a mid-life crisis for a billionaire who’s done everything and wants to satisfy his ticks before marrying his beautiful girlfriend. The balance of characters is just weird here in this triangle.

There is this theme of redemption and forgiveness that runs throughout and that’s fine here. But I still think the mixture of these three characters is a little too much.

I personally would have liked to see things just kept focused on Johnson and it would have been a great dark revenge thriller. Johnson has the presence and his small amount of dialogue lets him convey emotion more visually in his facial reactions and he’s still the best of the WWE bunch to ever grace the big screen. It’s a nice role to get him back into the genre we all know he belongs in.

While I’ve got no issue with Thornton’s presence, only to add some sort of gravitas to a usually cardboard character, and while I know that Jackson-Cohen’s British hitman might grate some people, Faster would have worked so much better focused on one character. Driver, it’s actual main character.

Faster is visually pleasing and it has its entertaining (even though predictable) moments but when the main character has to play third fiddle to the other characters, it seems a bit diluted in the end and the revenge tale becomes somewhat like a weird urban dream.

Well, on the plus side, it isn’t named Faster: Action Revenge Film like Dwayne’s next production.

Archipelago - The Middle Class activity of watching paint dry...sort of....

Archipelago (2011)

Director: Joanna Hogg

Stars: Tom Hiddlestone, Kate Fay, Amy Lloyd

I’m going to come out and say it right now, I don’t know who out there would enjoy Archipelago. I don’t know anyone close who I could recommend it too and when people at work have asked me about it, I put on a brave smile and say it’s “interesting.”

Only during two scenes does Archipelago becomes “interesting” but when the majority of the film you’re put as a standing observer to the breakdown of this middle class family and their issues, you don’t really feel engaged in the film.

And I’m not trying to say that Archipelago is bollocks because it isn’t and I know that people out there have had different reactions to it. A friend of mine is quite to say that film is subjective and everyone’s viewing experience is different.

We differ here already. Byron Pitt can’t stop thinking about it. I’m trying to recall what actually happened.

This is a very very very slow film and is designed for viewers who have patience with their cinematic screenings. I am perfectly fine with slow burning films providing that there is something to be engaged with. 

For me, I just don’t get it with Archipelago.  There are interesting themes of class between the social interactions of Tom Hiddlestone’s Edward character with the hired chef Rose (played by Amy Lloyd ) and Edward’s family turning their nose up at the simple request of asking a hired hand to eat with them. There’s also difficult family dynamics of broken communication and the eventual realization that the words unsaid and actions unseen speak more than the simple conversation over dinner.

Now if this is your thing, Archipelago is something to reap in. Byron Pitt has found elements to draw out and think about. My trouble is that the slow pace, the unlikeability of nearly every character and the fact that not much seems to go on is the nail in the coffin to me. I would have been open to the film more if I felt more connected to the characters and the scenario. 

But however simplistic and beautifully minimalistic Joanna Hogg has presented this film, I simply cannot connect. only during two heated conversations during a family trip to a deserted restaurant and at their holiday home debating the future of one of the members of the family does Archipelago become interesting. Perhaps if it was staged for the theatre it might have been a more rewarding viewing and its themes more accessible to take in and evaluate.

However, when it’s nearly two hours long and very isolated to its own devices, I rather be somewhere else than dealing with this troubled and miscommunicated family.

Iain's Movie Pet Hates - The Renaming of English speaking Films for English audiences.

I was at work yesterday where another delivery of film related posters came in to be opened, sorted, and put up if they were important.  One tube I opened up had a poster for Fast Five, as everyone knows by know the fifth Fast and Furious film. But low and behold what those clever buggers at Universal Pictures have done….

Fast Five has been renamed Fast and Furious 5: Rio Heist

HOW FUCKING DUMB ARE WE SUPPOSE TO BE?

They’ve released teaser trailers saying Fast Five and then suddenly one day in the marketing office suddenly hit a block in the road.

Marketing Executive 1: “Hang on folks! Brainwave! The British….they don’t know what Fast Five means? How are they supposed to know it’s the fifth Fast and Furious film set in Rio where Vin and co are doing a massive heist?”

Marketing Executive 2: “Call it Fast and Furious 5: Rio Heist?”

Marketing Executive 1: “You smart bastard! That’s perfect!”

This is what pisses me off half the time when it comes to releasing films in other English speaking countries. The changes sometimes just don’t make any bloody sense what so ever.

Live Free or Die Hard was changed to Die Hard 4.0 – why? Are we not clever enough to notice through the trailers and marketing that it was about computer hackers?

The Rundown was changed to Welcome To The Jungle – why? Are we not supposed to know what a rundown is? You know, running down the important information? Do we need a title to know that we’re going to a jungle in this film?

I mean even Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone changing to The Sorcerer’s stone sounds silly. I bet American audiences would have the smarts to understand the world Philosopher. 

Okay, if said film is foreign in a non-English language speaking form, then yes renaming the film can help sometimes. 

But why? Oh gods, why, are we considered such muppets that Fast Five is renamed to the most simplest of titles.

Hollywood clearly thinks we’re stupid.

Cinematic Dramatic Catch up!

Hi all,

It's been a while I know, mostly because real life work, convention work, and podcast work seems to over rule each other at some point over the last two weeks.

I'll have a review coming soon, just now for the time being, you can catch up on the Cinematic Dramatics that you might have missed. 

As usual, click the logos to go to the episode page. Enjoy!

Cinematic Dramatic 3x01 - Best Worst Movie and Troll 2

Cinematic Dramatic 3x02 - Drive Angry 3D / Byron Pitt Vs The Oscars