MACHETE KILLS AGAIN!

Machete

Director: Robert Rodriguez & Ethan Maniquis

Stars: Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez

So, we all saw the trailer with Grindhouse and now a good couple of years later, Machete’s trailer becomes a full fledged movie.

Originally when I heard about this, I thought it would be a novelty piece that spun off from Grindhouse that wouldn't have much merit to it. Then they started forming a reasonably good cast, Trejo gets the lead he was born to play, everyone from the fake trailer in main roles appear like Jeff Fahey and Cheech Marin. Then Jessica Alba. Then Robert DeNiro.

Then Steven Seagal.

From this announcement, I was practically in a cinema seat waiting for the thing to be released.

I think your enjoyment factor for Machete comes with the level of fondness you had with the fake trailer. If you thought it rocked and wanted to see a movie with the same level of batty Grindhouse madness, you’re right at home. This is technically a brand new Grindhouse movie made just for you pleased souls with Planet Terror and Death Proof.

If you just thought it was funny once and thought the joke wore off after several viewings, you might not want to sit through 100 minutes. I’d admit, it’s not for everyone.

But I watched it and I’m bloody glad I did.

Machete is unapologetically violent. People get shot, sliced, intestines removed, and even assaulted by a weed cutter. Machete is sexy. Michelle Rodriguez in leather pants, black bra, eye patch, big f**k off gun. She’s the toughest female character of my dreams. Machete is also very, very, very, very, very, very (deep breathe), very silly. A man gets crushed under a low riding jeep during a finale where everything starts exploding, everyone shoots weapons off and anything just about happens. It kind of reminds me of a bloodier version of the ending to Blazing Saddles.

The plot itself is silly as well. It follows the same story as the fake trailer. Machete is hired by mysterious man (Jeff Fahey) to kill a Senator (Robert DeNiro) running for re-election and using a harsh throw illegal immigrants back where they belong policy. The hit is a con, Machete is framed and everyone is out to get him. The law is chasing him; the bad guys are hunting him being. Oh and Jessica Alba.

The whole mad trip is complimented by the supporting cast of actors playing against type. Don Johnson is an evil true American patriot that loves gunning down Mexicans. Steven Seagal plays a nasty villain, a real nasty villain for once*. Even Lindsay Lohan skims awfully close to mimicking her recent real life cock-ups as the drug addict daughter of Jeff Fahey’s mysterious business man. And if you watched the trailer, you know what’s going to happen to her.

*: To any Seagolists out there courtesy of Vern’s great book, I will not include Clementine as a villain role since he’s just a fellow fighter against the South Korean protagonist.

I should really mention Danny Trejo here. A supporting character for over nearly 100 movies and this is his first real leading role and unsurprisingly, it’s a role that fits well. Machete is a character of few words; his dialogue sparse in between everyone else’s chatting, shouting, and swearing. It’s the quiet anti-hero vibe and it suits Trejo and Machete well here. It would be nice to see more Machete antics in the future as promised by the end of the film.

So, that should just about give you a good idea whether or not Machete will be your cup of tea. Like I said, this isn't a film for everyone and with everything involved and it doesn't have much merit to it. The only merit it has it pure guilty pleasure to all those willing. If you expect masterpiece theatre, you will likely end up offended by something in this film. Maybe The American is a suitable choice this week? It has a story, it has character developing, it feels like a proper cinematic movie.

This one has Steven Seagal waddling through every scene with a naked woman on his arm and a sword in the other.

I couldn’t be happier to be honest.

Extra Genre Giant Trivia for all the anime fans who read the blog: US Anime voice actor Jason Douglas, who has done lots of great shows like Excel Saga, Rune Soldier, Bubblegum Crisis 2040 to name a few, appears as an ill-fated patrolman who finds Machete.