MACHETE KILLS AGAIN!

Machete

Director: Robert Rodriguez & Ethan Maniquis

Stars: Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez

So, we all saw the trailer with Grindhouse and now a good couple of years later, Machete’s trailer becomes a full fledged movie.

Originally when I heard about this, I thought it would be a novelty piece that spun off from Grindhouse that wouldn't have much merit to it. Then they started forming a reasonably good cast, Trejo gets the lead he was born to play, everyone from the fake trailer in main roles appear like Jeff Fahey and Cheech Marin. Then Jessica Alba. Then Robert DeNiro.

Then Steven Seagal.

From this announcement, I was practically in a cinema seat waiting for the thing to be released.

I think your enjoyment factor for Machete comes with the level of fondness you had with the fake trailer. If you thought it rocked and wanted to see a movie with the same level of batty Grindhouse madness, you’re right at home. This is technically a brand new Grindhouse movie made just for you pleased souls with Planet Terror and Death Proof.

If you just thought it was funny once and thought the joke wore off after several viewings, you might not want to sit through 100 minutes. I’d admit, it’s not for everyone.

But I watched it and I’m bloody glad I did.

Machete is unapologetically violent. People get shot, sliced, intestines removed, and even assaulted by a weed cutter. Machete is sexy. Michelle Rodriguez in leather pants, black bra, eye patch, big f**k off gun. She’s the toughest female character of my dreams. Machete is also very, very, very, very, very, very (deep breathe), very silly. A man gets crushed under a low riding jeep during a finale where everything starts exploding, everyone shoots weapons off and anything just about happens. It kind of reminds me of a bloodier version of the ending to Blazing Saddles.

The plot itself is silly as well. It follows the same story as the fake trailer. Machete is hired by mysterious man (Jeff Fahey) to kill a Senator (Robert DeNiro) running for re-election and using a harsh throw illegal immigrants back where they belong policy. The hit is a con, Machete is framed and everyone is out to get him. The law is chasing him; the bad guys are hunting him being. Oh and Jessica Alba.

The whole mad trip is complimented by the supporting cast of actors playing against type. Don Johnson is an evil true American patriot that loves gunning down Mexicans. Steven Seagal plays a nasty villain, a real nasty villain for once*. Even Lindsay Lohan skims awfully close to mimicking her recent real life cock-ups as the drug addict daughter of Jeff Fahey’s mysterious business man. And if you watched the trailer, you know what’s going to happen to her.

*: To any Seagolists out there courtesy of Vern’s great book, I will not include Clementine as a villain role since he’s just a fellow fighter against the South Korean protagonist.

I should really mention Danny Trejo here. A supporting character for over nearly 100 movies and this is his first real leading role and unsurprisingly, it’s a role that fits well. Machete is a character of few words; his dialogue sparse in between everyone else’s chatting, shouting, and swearing. It’s the quiet anti-hero vibe and it suits Trejo and Machete well here. It would be nice to see more Machete antics in the future as promised by the end of the film.

So, that should just about give you a good idea whether or not Machete will be your cup of tea. Like I said, this isn't a film for everyone and with everything involved and it doesn't have much merit to it. The only merit it has it pure guilty pleasure to all those willing. If you expect masterpiece theatre, you will likely end up offended by something in this film. Maybe The American is a suitable choice this week? It has a story, it has character developing, it feels like a proper cinematic movie.

This one has Steven Seagal waddling through every scene with a naked woman on his arm and a sword in the other.

I couldn’t be happier to be honest.

Extra Genre Giant Trivia for all the anime fans who read the blog: US Anime voice actor Jason Douglas, who has done lots of great shows like Excel Saga, Rune Soldier, Bubblegum Crisis 2040 to name a few, appears as an ill-fated patrolman who finds Machete.

Welcome to LAN-DON Boulevard! Sorry, London Boulevard.

London Boulevard (2010)

Director: William Monahan

Stars: Colin Farrell, Keira Knightley, Ray Winstone

Last night, I managed to take in a viewing of London Boulevard, a crime film set in the heart of London. That sounds original, doesn’t it? Especially when it’s the same old same old criminal, played by Colin Farrell, freed from jail and wanting to be straight guy by helping reclusive film star Keira Knightley and ends up getting his hands dirty again thanks to evil bad guys like Ray Winstone.

Nope. Not original in the bloody slightest.

But, thankfully under the directorial and written guidance of William Monahan, Oscar winning screenwriter for Infernal Affairs remake The Departed, things are wonderfully engaging, interesting, and actually entertaining.

There are other reviews out there that are not so supportive but I’m happy with what I saw. Boulevard is rough around the edges as a film but it shows Monahan’s talent as his screenplay’s dialogue never feels stilted and ridiculous. Sometimes cliché and full of cockney rhyming, but not stupid. There are moments of good directorial work as his infuses cinematic 70s style and cool, complied with a great soundtrack that I really dug.

In terms of the story, based on the book by Ken Bruen, it really is summed up by the one line muttered by Colin Farrell (at a funeral) and, with crime films, this eventual end is always the case. London Boulevard tropes, punches, swears, and corrupts over every cliché and plot device in the book. Complete with that traditional British shouting, fits of rage and violence, it’s a complete package that if it wasn’t for the cast I would have just waited for the DVD to come out.

I’ve mocked the accent on Cinematic Dramatic but Farrell’s south London ex-criminal is a decent lead. Farrell having that presence that I haven’t seen since his earlier films like Daredevil (he was the best thing in it) for example. It’s nice to see him in a good physical role like this.

Keira Knightley, the flat block of wood people have heard me call her in the past, is just as good. I actually preferred her here to Never Let Me Go because I felt there was something more to her character. She’s been damaged by the limelight she existed in and the reclusive nature is well handled in her scenes with Farrell.

Winstone does his usual “I’M THE DADDY!” stick and as an imposing bad guy, it works. The one scene that sticks out after watching LB is one where Farrell and Winstone come to verbal blows seemingly bickering at one point and then just exploding in an instant all in one take. Personally, it was a fantastic moment.

London Boulevard might not do well at the cinema since it’s coming out during Potter’s dominance. Shame really. I suspect that when it comes to DVD & Blu-ray, its audience will find it easily. Reflecting on it afterwards, it’s scattershot ending doesn’t help things here as it all goes to s**t in the last twenty minutes. But when you think about that line in the funeral scene…it just about makes sense.

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 1 Review

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 (12A)

Director: David Yates

Cast: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Ralph Fiennes

So, by this time next year, Harry Potter is done and dusted with his cinematic adventures.  About bloody time too.  

Did that sound harsh?

Sorry, that’s the cinema employee inside me speaking. Every time a new Harry Potter film comes out, audiences gasp in the wonders on screen. Yet outside that darken room and in the real world, cinema staff around the world braces itself for the worst three day opening possible. Sell out screens, loud kids, and a never ending sea of chaos thanks to this magical little wizard.

But, despite the chaos filled opening weekends these films brings, it’s a series that I’ve come to accept and enjoy.

Like my fellow cinematic writer, Byron Pitt, I have not read any of the Potter books. I had no desire then and I still have no desire to read it now.  I didn’t actually start watching the films until Goblet of Fire came about. When I was a young cinema employee, several years ago at University, I honestly hadn’t the slightest clue about Hogwarts, Dumbledore, Voldemort, all that Potter related terminology.  When the first films came out I was distracted by other things like Lord of The Rings, Bond movies, my gradually increasing stack of DVDs.

So ultimately, I did what any cinematic person outside the know would do. Went out and brought the first three Potter dvds cheaply and watched them in the run up to Goblet.

The first two had a sickly near diabetic coma inducing sweet glean to it. Everything with Philosopher Stone and Chamber of Secrets seemed all about the special effects. The child acting from the three young stars always out dwarfed by the older established British cast and I was quite glad I skipped them at the cinema.

Perhaps I should start watching the first few films again because when Prisoner of Azkaban rolled in, I started to enjoy them for the carefree entertaining pleasure they were supposed to be.  This might have been due to the beginnings of the dark storyline and fates that laid ahead for the main characters. Something evil, something lurking behind the corner that threatens everything. Plus with an array of characters, some that don’t survive chapters of the story too, there is something grand about the Potter universe that cinema has captured well. At least every film didn’t end with a massive party.

Hence Goblet of Fire, Order of the Phoenix, and Half-Blood Prince were enjoyable viewings. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch the Potters every time but I have grown a decent respect for the films. They seem to mature and appeal more to me with each film. With the growing acting ability of the once young kiddie cast melded with the establish crop of British talent, it’s something at least I look forward to when a new film rolls in.

And wouldn’t you know it, we’re about to hit the home straight with the first part since the seventh book was decidedly split into two films. A blessing and a curse as I don’t really want to regard this as a proper film since it’s half the story.

Let me remain positive though, Deathly Hallows Part 1 benefits from some of the things I’ve mentioned above. The impending final battle between Potter and Voldemort is looming and all hell is breaking loose outside Hogwarts. That sense of dread and threat benefits the already entwined feeling of mortality with the characters. You have that gut feeling that not everyone is going to make it to the final scene…or part mind you.

Having the film take place outside of Hogwarts helps too, it escapes the formulaic assumption that about twenty minutes in, we’ll be back at Hogwarts for another school year. By going out on this epic quest, it adds a bit of freshness to the mix, plus that sense of vulnerability and threat even more.

Plus several set pieces keep the entertainment flowing nicely between dialogue heavy moments which Potter fans will gleefully saunter at. Not sure about grown adults who likely have just been dragged along to it. The set pieces are well paced, executed and exciting. Especially the Ministry of Magic break in, got a mix of 1984, Brazil with a little bit of Mission Impossible in there for good measure.

Apart from the set pieces, that grown up feeling the films have lately produced continues to come along nicely with the final films. The acting has improved again. Acting continuously along the best of British like Rickman, Oldman, and Gambon has helped Radcliffe, Grint and Watson.  The chemistry seems so natural now between them as their isolation from the rest of the wizarding world is the focus here. Truthfully, there’s nothing really standout about the acting with Potter, I see it as this big ensemble piece and with certain parts you get certain good moments. Here, we see a little bit more of Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort, who was just sneaking in left and right occasionally since Goblet. It’s a downside that new cast additions, Bill Nighy and Rhys Ifans just seem to come and go with proceeds like glorified cameos.

And since this is not a complete Potter tale with Part 2 coming in July 2011, there was this sense of pause at the end of the film. Yes, the film was good and I enjoyed watching it but I can’t really give a full judgement until Part 2 comes out. As a standalone film, it simply starts putting in the pieces for the final act. I feel if it got partnered with a viewing with its second part as well, then it could be an almighty finale we haven’t seen in movies for a long time.

Don’t get me wrong, Deathly Hallows Part 1 is good fantasy cinema that I enjoyed. I enjoyed it even more as I’ve marvelled at since we’re now miles apart from Potter’s child beginnings.  

I just feel indifferent as a neutral non-Potter fan viewer until that final part.

Eight months is a long time to wait, you know.

Blogging Beginings

Hullo all, Iain here.

I thought it was finally time to launch my own movie related blog. I know what you're thinking - "As if we have enough movie blogs out there already!". Well, yes, yes there are. But since my partner in cinematic crime Mr Byron Pitt has his own little successful blog here. So why not? You may find we sometimes share different points of cinematic view.

Like, for example, I'll watch something a bit generic like a stupid straight to DVD epic masterpiece of crap like Submerged (Steven Seagal, Vinnie Jones, mind control, and a submarine to sum it up quickly if you haven't heard of it). Byron will go nowhere near it. Not even with a stick. Not even if was 25p second hand. That's how I watched Christopher Walken's bizarre men on a mission film, McBain. But I digress...

Under normal circumstances, when I decide to make such a viewing choice, Byron will usually shake his head in shamed dissapointment. Following which he will question my use of time, how much I spent on it if I purchased said title and why haven't I watched anything else that's actually good. Most of which can be also listened to on Cinematic Dramatic.

I can't blame him. He has a usual high taste and standard for cinematic morsels like Billy Wilder films, Werner Herzog to name a few. He's elegant with his film choices.

If I'm bored stupid I could watch anything...the shame of it.

That's part of the usual banter on the movie podcast we do at least every week, within reason. Haven't heard it? Take a listen here to the latest episodes.

So, to sum it up in a nutshell. I'm here to offer my movie views, nothing more, nothing less. I like watching films, lots of them and I like to talk about the good and the bad.

Enjoy

Iain "Genre-Giant" Boulton