Iain's Movie Pet Hates - The Renaming of English speaking Films for English audiences.

I was at work yesterday where another delivery of film related posters came in to be opened, sorted, and put up if they were important.  One tube I opened up had a poster for Fast Five, as everyone knows by know the fifth Fast and Furious film. But low and behold what those clever buggers at Universal Pictures have done….

Fast Five has been renamed Fast and Furious 5: Rio Heist

HOW FUCKING DUMB ARE WE SUPPOSE TO BE?

They’ve released teaser trailers saying Fast Five and then suddenly one day in the marketing office suddenly hit a block in the road.

Marketing Executive 1: “Hang on folks! Brainwave! The British….they don’t know what Fast Five means? How are they supposed to know it’s the fifth Fast and Furious film set in Rio where Vin and co are doing a massive heist?”

Marketing Executive 2: “Call it Fast and Furious 5: Rio Heist?”

Marketing Executive 1: “You smart bastard! That’s perfect!”

This is what pisses me off half the time when it comes to releasing films in other English speaking countries. The changes sometimes just don’t make any bloody sense what so ever.

Live Free or Die Hard was changed to Die Hard 4.0 – why? Are we not clever enough to notice through the trailers and marketing that it was about computer hackers?

The Rundown was changed to Welcome To The Jungle – why? Are we not supposed to know what a rundown is? You know, running down the important information? Do we need a title to know that we’re going to a jungle in this film?

I mean even Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone changing to The Sorcerer’s stone sounds silly. I bet American audiences would have the smarts to understand the world Philosopher. 

Okay, if said film is foreign in a non-English language speaking form, then yes renaming the film can help sometimes. 

But why? Oh gods, why, are we considered such muppets that Fast Five is renamed to the most simplest of titles.

Hollywood clearly thinks we’re stupid.

Cinematic Dramatic Catch up!

Hi all,

It's been a while I know, mostly because real life work, convention work, and podcast work seems to over rule each other at some point over the last two weeks.

I'll have a review coming soon, just now for the time being, you can catch up on the Cinematic Dramatics that you might have missed. 

As usual, click the logos to go to the episode page. Enjoy!

Cinematic Dramatic 3x01 - Best Worst Movie and Troll 2

Cinematic Dramatic 3x02 - Drive Angry 3D / Byron Pitt Vs The Oscars

Oscars tomorrow...I've scribbled things down!

Hi all,

As we know, tomorrow is Oscar night in Hollywood. Everyone's having their two cents or pennies about who will win. So it's our turn at Cinematic Dramatic.

Not sure on what Byron's thinking on the awards are but I've made my selections.

Click The Cinematic Dramatic logo to see the awards video!

Cinematic Dramatic 2x25 - Listen Now!

The latest episode of Cinematic Dramatic, from Geek Planet Online, is now available to download.

Click the Cinematic Dramatic logo to listen to the new episode

Animal Kingdom, True Grit and Paul all get The Dramatic review treatment as well. Byron's also checked out Biutiful...which he won't be getting the three hours of his life watching it back. I also check out, out of morbid childhood cruiousity, Yogi Bear.

Well, Byron did tell me not to watch Biutiful!

Cinematic Dramatic 2x24 - Listen Now!

The latest episode of Cinematic Dramatic, from Geek Planet Online, is now available to download.

Click the Cinematic Dramatic logo to listen to the new episode

The Fighter, Brighton Rock and Sanctum 3D are our cinematic ports of call this week. Me and Byron Pitt also discuss the new Superman (Henry Cavill), the updates on The Dark Knight Rises and the usual share of What We've Watched viewing.

So good you don't have to watch with 3D glasses on.

Cinematic Dramatic 2x23 - LISTEN NOW!

The latest episode of Cinematic Dramatic, from Geek Planet Online, is now available to download.

Click the Cinematic Dramatic logo to listen to the new episode

Tangled 3D, The Mechanic and Hereafter come under intense viewing. Me and Byron Pitt also discuss the Oscar nominations, Red State and share a whole heap of What We've Watched viewing.

Plus there's also a chance to win a pair of tickets to the Prince Charles Theare's double bill of Best Worst Movie and Troll 2. 

Go on, have a listen. You could win something!

Don’t get checked into The Ward, it’s already dull.

The Ward (2010)

Director: John Carpenter

Stars: Amber Heard, Jared Harris, Lyndsy Fonseca, Sali Sayler

Me and ghost horror films don’t get on well. It’s not that I’m shit scared of watching them. They just don’t really seem to catch my imagination, excitement, and enthrallment. Very rare cases do.

There’s nothing different about most of them  especially when most of the reasons they lurk about is from being the deceased remains of someone who was wronged or evil. Or both.  Or maybe, a Scooby-doo villain.

A good movie memory was when I watched What Lies Beneath when I was 15. Scared the fucking shit out of me in the cinema, perhaps I didn’t expect it but hey I remember the viewing experience fondly. It may not stand the test of time, sure. But when I look back at that film, I have happy memories of good cinema experiences.

And that’s the thing with most ghost films. I try to find the positives in them but when they’re all about loud shunting noises, annoying characters, and a repetitive ending. I don’t tend to go out wanting to see them. I remember watching The Grudge US (hated it), Reeker (hated it), Boogeyman (hated it) to name a few and still don’t find these sort of films entertaining. It doesn’t make me want to go watch the original Ringu, or Grudge, or similar films. I know I should but when I have repeated bad experiences, it’s not a genre that screams out to me immediately to watch.

And I’m sorry for that god awful pun.

And The Ward is yet another aggravatingly bad experience.

I’ll be honest. I’m not a familiar voyeur of John Carpenter films and this is probably the wrong one to start viewing if I wanted to get into watching the films of a very renowned and respected horror director. But I think I really should have just asked someone to borrow their copy of The Thing, I’d likely enjoy that a bit more. Probably tons more than The Ward. 

The problem with The Ward is that it’s uninspiring, unoriginal, and quite frankly…dull. It’s like it’s trying to mesh Girl Interrupted with Identity with say any recent ghost movies. And it fails. It splats against the small hole it was supposed to be melded into in the first place. It sadly plays out more like a TV movie than anything else considering Carpenter’s association with Masters of Horror.

It’s a group of mentally unstable girls locked up in a ward where the ghost of one of their former patients is stalking and killing the girls one by one. Leaving the naturally sane, yet also unbalanced, good girl played by Amber Heard, to question what on earth is going on. Obviously, like all normal horror tales, no one is inclined to believe her including the head doctor played by Jared Harris.

It really doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happens. 

Then they decide to be really, really, smart and throw in a twist that is eye rolling bad.

Then they add that traditional never ending ending. 

Well done, everyone involved. You’ve just annoyed me for another 90 minutes.

I really don’t want to be mean but when I’ve seen it all before, it’s hard to be positive about my experience with The Ward. The acting isn’t as bad as other films. Amber Heard and Jared Harris actually are really watchable in the flick. It’s just annoying that the same potholes of horror logic just come into effect and considering this is from a revered director who brought us the original Halloween (not the Zombie crap), The Thing and other cult titles, it just feels disappointing.

Can someone lend me the copy of The Thing now and show me how good Carpenter is, please?